HOW TO END AN EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE RELATIONSHIP

 HOW TO END AN EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE RELATIONSHIP

 

The truth is, ending an Emotional Manipulative Relationship, takes a lot of courage, most times victims find it easier staying in the relationship than leaving. They come up with so many reasons, though invalid appears valid to them, in order to stay in the relationship.

 

However, the sooner we can build up the courage to end such a relationship, the earlier we can do, such basic acts like breathing.

 

Here are crucial steps we can take, in order to end an emotionally manipulative relationship, without any hassle.

 

1) Recognize the fact that you are being emotionally manipulated: The first step in breaking away from a bad habit, is to first recognize the fact, that such habit is truly bad, and you can’t continue indulging in it. It is when you truly recognize a thing for what it is, that you would start actively taking actions to get rid of it. Don’t know, if your partner is emotionally manipulating you, I wrote a post earlier about the signs to watch out for, click on the link below

https://lifestylebyfola.blogspot.com/2020/08/emotional-manipulation-how-to-recognize.html

 

2) Make a Decision To Leave: You have finally recognized the fact that you are a victim of emotional manipulation. What next? The next step is to make a decision to end things with the manipulator and walk away.

 

3) Leave and Don’t Look Back: You have probably thought about everything critically, and you have made the decision to leave, However, making a decision to leave and actually leaving are two different things. I know leaving can be a very scary action especially if you are with a partner that physically assaults you. The best way to go about it is to seek moral support from your friends, On the day you decide to leave, make sure you have people around you. Remember it is better to be safe than sorry.

 

4) Seek Professional Help: Depending on how bad, your emotional well-being has been affected, you might need to confide in somebody you can trust, If you feel you don’t trust your friends enough. It might be necessary to seek professional help, in order to get your life on track.

 

5) Stand Firm in your Decision: The temptation might be there to check on your ex, to see if he is doing okay without you, you might even feel lonely for a while and consider going back to him. However, this is the period where you are meant to stand firm in your decision. To make things easier on you, You should block all memories of him from your mind, This can be achieved by deleting his number, pictures and forgetting him completely. Sounds easier said than done, I know.

 

6) Start Living Your Life To The Fullest: An abusive relationship takes a lot of things from us, Your partner might have had issues with how you dress, your eating habits, and you might have found yourself turning into somebody that you are not just so you can make him happy, Once you are able to finally break free from that relationship, it’s time to start living your life on your terms.

 

 

6 SHOCKING SIGNS THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH AN EMOTIONAL MANIPULATOR

I am very sure in one way or the other, you have found yourself in a situation where you constantly find yourself doing things, that you never thought of doing. Emotional Manipulation is very subtle that most times we never recognize it for what it is.

 This article will focus on common signs of emotional manipulation and how to recognize them.

 What is Emotional Manipulation:

 This is the kind of intrusion done to influence the decision-making process of another person, usually, without his approval, it implies the use of morally questionable tactics such as deception to change the behavior and perception of others.

 Emotional manipulators usually use all manner of vile tricks to get what they want, usually to the detriment of others.

 Emotional manipulation is a very devious act that is sometimes difficult to recognize, however, if you know the signs, You can learn to protect your sanity.

 1) GASLIGHTING:

This refers to a specific type of manipulation, where the manipulator is trying to get someone else to question their own sanity, Have you ever confronted a friend/ colleague about the wrong thing they do? And instead of them to own up to their actions, they remind you of a time where you did something like that, if not worse, and you are the one that has to apologize over something that you seemingly did, but no matter how hard you try to recall the said action, you can’t remember, chances are that you have been gas-lighted.

 2) LOVE BOMBING: Ever had a chance to ask victims of emotional abuse why they are still with their partners? Most of them will say, I don’t know when he changed, when we started the relationship, he was the most caring guy, I have ever met, we used to go out on dates, he will shower me with gifts, he was very loving then, all of a sudden he changed, my dear, he didn’t change, he is only showing his true colors now. Love-bombing is a trick used by emotional manipulators to ensnare their prey, and get their attention, once they have achieved this, they know that it will be very difficult for the victim to leave them.

 3) TRAUMATIC BONDING: This occurs when we go through periods of intense love and excitement with a person followed by periods of abuse. Let’s use the case of an abusive relationship, you do something small and the next thing the guy does is to beat you up to the point that you need to be hospitalized, then the next thing you know, he is showing up with tears in his eyes, A bouquet in his hands, on his knees begging you to take him back, that he won’t do it again, It was the devil’s hand-work, you take him back because at that point he seems sincere, This is just an act, because before you know it, he is beating you up again at the slightest provocation, and the cycle continues.

 4) THE VULNERABILITY APPROACH: Emotional Manipulators, like to appear honest by revealing sensitive details about their life early on, such details are rarely true, they do this to appear sensitive and vulnerable so that you can let them into your heart, and in turn confide in them, Most times, when you confide in them, they tend to use it to hurt you later on.

I have seen situations, whereby, a lady will reveal to her boyfriend what her body count is on the basis of trust, only for the guy to mock her with that information, alongside his friends.

5) THE EVASIVE TACTIC: This is a tactic used by emotional manipulators to avoid being confronted and having to take responsibility for their actions. Another term for the Evasive Tactic is the Distraction Tactic. They do this, by subtly changing the subject with something they know that you have interest in, Let’s say that you are angry with them about something they did or said, they can confuse you by complimenting you with remarks that they know you would love to hear. This is just a tactic to make you forget the reason why you were upset in the first place.

 6) THE BLAME GAME: We all have that individual in our lives, that never accepts blame for anything they do wrong, they never accept responsibility for any of their hurtful actions. When you confront them about their wrongdoings, they get defensive and look for a way to turn it against you. Let’s use a relationship as a case study, your partner forgets your anniversary, and when you confront them with it, they say things like, I have been stressed lately with work, but I remember just last month, I took you out on that fancy date when they do things like this, it starts to get to you, you make excuses for their actions and tell yourself that maybe what they did isn’t that bad, that It is your fault for not recognizing the fact that they are going through a lot, you might even end up apologizing for not being considerate.

 The fact still remains, that there are still a lot of signs to enable you to recognize emotional manipulation for what it truly is, but sadly I can’t go through each and every one of those signs.

 The key factor to avoid being emotionally manipulated is by being observant, the signs are usually there if you allow yourself to see it, I hope when we recognize the fact that we are constantly being emotionally manipulated, we have the courage to leave such toxic relationship.

7 Main Causes of Infidelity In Marriage

 Hi there, welcome back

I am certainly no relationship expert, but there has been an issue that has bothered me for such a long time, and I thought it would be nice sharing it with someone.

This article will be based on infidelity in marriage, Men they say are polygamous in nature, due to this fact, there is every tendency that a man would most likely cheat on his wife, however, in recent times, this particular issue has gone beyond the male gender, it has extended to the female gender, because of this I carried out some research and I am here to share my opinion on what causes infidelity in marriage.

        7  MAIN CAUSES OF INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

1. Built on the wrong Foundation: The number one cause of infidelity in marriage in recent times, is the fact that it is built on the wrong foundation.People rush into marriage without involving God in the process, they trust in their own reasoning, and when any slight problem occur, they start looking for solace outside their marriage.    
2. Not getting married for the right reasons: A lot of people get married today, not because of love but because of what they think they can achieve with it, A lot of ladies get married to rich men, because of the monetary value attached to it, likewise some men get married to women that are slim, tall, beautiful, just to flaunt her and use her to show off, such people will obviously cheat on their respective partner.
3. Issues Involving Appearance: This is a very serious factor that causes infidelity in marriage, During Marriage, it is most likely that the body will change, this issue affects women the most, especially after they give birth to children, The lady that was once slim and had a flat tummy, might go from a size 8 to a size 12, and most times men don’t understand this, they don’t have the patience and understanding to stick with the woman,some men even manage the marriage like that because of the children involved, such men become less attracted and start dating ladies young enough to be their daughters.
4. Drifting Apart: It is safe to assume that dating and getting married are two different things, In dating there are less responsibilities and couples really have the time to spice up their relationships, they go on dates, do a lot of things that will strengthen their relationship, but after marriage, children and generating income will become their priority and their love life will take a back seat, this makes a couple drift apart, and before one knows, they become like strangers living under one roof.
5. Lack of Respect: I recently read a story about a man that lost his job, as a result of this, his wife stopped cooking for him, and she was very rude and always calling him names, this drove the man outside to a woman who respected him. Respect goes a long way in preventing infidelity, if you don’t respect your husband or your wife; it can push them to someone capable of respecting them.
6. Conflict: I don’t know about you, but my peace of mind is very important to me, and I can honestly beat my chest and say peace of mind is also very important in sustaining a marriage, imagine you are in a marriage where most times, there are arguments upon arguments over the slightest of things, husbands hitting their wives, wives constantly nagging, this situation can cause a couple to look outside to find peace.
7. Living Apart: I really can’t imagine how a married couple will be living apart, when a divorce hasn’t taken place, I have heard stories of a man living abroad, and the wife is still in Nigeria for years and vice versa, I frankly don’t understand how such a marriage can work out in the long run, and how an exclusive relationship will be maintained under such conditions.

I know there are many more reasons that can cause infidelity in marriage, Any reason you feel I missed, drop it, in the comment section,  or if you don’t agree with what I wrote, still drop it, let’s learn, let’s make this as interactive as possible.

Don’t forget to Subscribe, Thanks

The next write-up will be talking about the solutions that can at least curb this.

WAYS OF OVERCOMING FEAR

Hi there, I know it has been a while but I have been busy with work, Anyway let’s get down to business, On my last blog post, I talked about how fear can be a limiting factor and I related it to relationships and also career-wise. If you haven't read it, click the link below:
https://lifestylebyfola.blogspot.com/2020/01/fear-limiting-factor.html.

Fear can be a very great stumbling block and it usually stops us from realizing our potential, it is henceforth very important that we have the courage to overcome fear, It is said that courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to look fear in the face and have the ability to conquer it, now fear really transcends beyond the whole unpleasant emotion caused by a perceived danger or threat. It is basically in human nature to avoid emotions that terrify us, and on doing this, we limit our potential growth, It is indeed very important we try and overcome our fear.

1.     Acknowledge your fear: I will use myself as an example, I have discovered lately that I am always scared of striving for more, just because I am unsure of the outcome, I purposely remain in my comfort zone, anytime I want to try something new or something that has the potential to be worthwhile, I limit myself in my mind, and say fola, just stick to what you know, you cannot handle it, and just like that because of my thought, I lose a great opportunity, I can’t even begin to think the number of opportunities I have lost because of this. The first step in overcoming one’s fear is to acknowledge it, and go about looking for solutions.

2.     Know the cause of your fear: Fear, doesn’t just come up in a day, it is usually triggered by something, It might be a past experience, I know some people that have given up on relationships, just because their ex cheated on them, and they have not gotten past that, this is always funny to me because, I know for a fact that because your ex cheated on you, doesn’t mean the next person you date will do the same, or the fact that you failed one exam, doesn’t mean that you will fail the next exam you write. When faced with a challenge that requires you to step out of your comfort zone, you should welcome it, carry out your research so that you will be capable of rising above any challenge.

3.     Ascertain your Fear: The truth is usually our fears are not at all based on reality, it is based on what we think would happen in the future if, we try something. When faced with fear, we should always be rational and gather as much information about it, as we can, think about situations where we were able to conquer the fear of the unknown, and the benefit we were able to attain just because we did that.

4.     Failure is not the End: The main reason why we remain in our comfort zone is because we are scared of failure, We don’t attempt to learn that new course, learn that new skill, because of this. It should be known that great people like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein at one point or the other failed, but they never let it stop them, they were able to move past their failure and keep trying, until they got it right, and up to today, their names are still relevant, Failure is never the end, and It should never stop us from achieving our goals.

In Conclusion, we should know that everybody at one point in his life has felt afraid when faced with uncertainty, nevertheless, it is what we do when faced with fear, that determines the outcome, Don’t let fear cause you to be stagnant in life, rise above it and live a life that at the end of the day will bring you fulfillment.

FEAR: A LIMITING FACTOR

What is fear? Fear can be defined as an unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger. This fear can be either imagined or real.
Fear is a factor we all have to overcome sooner rather than later, It controls us even without us realizing, the main reason why people stay in toxic relationships, isn't because of love as they might claim, it is because they have made the saying "the devil you know, is better than the angel you don't know", their watch word. We have relationships where the partner treats them like they are less than humans, with the constant derogatory words, we have men that have turned their partners into their punching bags, and the women keep on enduring it, simply because the "unsafe" has become "safe", in their mind, people believe that the known will always be better than the unknown, that's why they keep finding silly reasons to keep holding on, most times there is always this nagging fear at the back of their mind, What if I never find love again, What if I remain single forever, these are the recurring thoughts that flashes through the mind.

Fear certainly is not limited to just the relationship aspect, it can extend to our career, I will tell you a short story about myself, so you can have an idea of what I mean, when I served in Kwara state in 2017/2018, I always wanted to learn interior decorating, but because of the fear of failure, I kept on making excuses, till I finished, can you imagine how I lost a very great opportunity like that because of fear, I am sure other people will be in my shoes, maybe you are at a particular stage at your work place, you don't really like it, but because it is still in your comfort zone, you don't strive to be more, we ignore that drive in us, because we are so terrified of failing, that we don't even attempt anything in the first place.

This is not just limited to a white-collar job, a lot of people have business ideas, but because of the fact that they are scared of starting and failing, they allow the idea die down, just remember, we miss 100% of the shots we don't take, it is better to start something and fail, than not start at all.

On the next post, I will be writing  about what we can do in order to overcome fear.