7 Main Causes of Infidelity In Marriage

 Hi there, welcome back

I am certainly no relationship expert, but there has been an issue that has bothered me for such a long time, and I thought it would be nice sharing it with someone.

This article will be based on infidelity in marriage, Men they say are polygamous in nature, due to this fact, there is every tendency that a man would most likely cheat on his wife, however, in recent times, this particular issue has gone beyond the male gender, it has extended to the female gender, because of this I carried out some research and I am here to share my opinion on what causes infidelity in marriage.

        7  MAIN CAUSES OF INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

1. Built on the wrong Foundation: The number one cause of infidelity in marriage in recent times, is the fact that it is built on the wrong foundation.People rush into marriage without involving God in the process, they trust in their own reasoning, and when any slight problem occur, they start looking for solace outside their marriage.    
2. Not getting married for the right reasons: A lot of people get married today, not because of love but because of what they think they can achieve with it, A lot of ladies get married to rich men, because of the monetary value attached to it, likewise some men get married to women that are slim, tall, beautiful, just to flaunt her and use her to show off, such people will obviously cheat on their respective partner.
3. Issues Involving Appearance: This is a very serious factor that causes infidelity in marriage, During Marriage, it is most likely that the body will change, this issue affects women the most, especially after they give birth to children, The lady that was once slim and had a flat tummy, might go from a size 8 to a size 12, and most times men don’t understand this, they don’t have the patience and understanding to stick with the woman,some men even manage the marriage like that because of the children involved, such men become less attracted and start dating ladies young enough to be their daughters.
4. Drifting Apart: It is safe to assume that dating and getting married are two different things, In dating there are less responsibilities and couples really have the time to spice up their relationships, they go on dates, do a lot of things that will strengthen their relationship, but after marriage, children and generating income will become their priority and their love life will take a back seat, this makes a couple drift apart, and before one knows, they become like strangers living under one roof.
5. Lack of Respect: I recently read a story about a man that lost his job, as a result of this, his wife stopped cooking for him, and she was very rude and always calling him names, this drove the man outside to a woman who respected him. Respect goes a long way in preventing infidelity, if you don’t respect your husband or your wife; it can push them to someone capable of respecting them.
6. Conflict: I don’t know about you, but my peace of mind is very important to me, and I can honestly beat my chest and say peace of mind is also very important in sustaining a marriage, imagine you are in a marriage where most times, there are arguments upon arguments over the slightest of things, husbands hitting their wives, wives constantly nagging, this situation can cause a couple to look outside to find peace.
7. Living Apart: I really can’t imagine how a married couple will be living apart, when a divorce hasn’t taken place, I have heard stories of a man living abroad, and the wife is still in Nigeria for years and vice versa, I frankly don’t understand how such a marriage can work out in the long run, and how an exclusive relationship will be maintained under such conditions.

I know there are many more reasons that can cause infidelity in marriage, Any reason you feel I missed, drop it, in the comment section,  or if you don’t agree with what I wrote, still drop it, let’s learn, let’s make this as interactive as possible.

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The next write-up will be talking about the solutions that can at least curb this.

WAYS OF OVERCOMING FEAR

Hi there, I know it has been a while but I have been busy with work, Anyway let’s get down to business, On my last blog post, I talked about how fear can be a limiting factor and I related it to relationships and also career-wise. If you haven't read it, click the link below:
https://lifestylebyfola.blogspot.com/2020/01/fear-limiting-factor.html.

Fear can be a very great stumbling block and it usually stops us from realizing our potential, it is henceforth very important that we have the courage to overcome fear, It is said that courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to look fear in the face and have the ability to conquer it, now fear really transcends beyond the whole unpleasant emotion caused by a perceived danger or threat. It is basically in human nature to avoid emotions that terrify us, and on doing this, we limit our potential growth, It is indeed very important we try and overcome our fear.

1.     Acknowledge your fear: I will use myself as an example, I have discovered lately that I am always scared of striving for more, just because I am unsure of the outcome, I purposely remain in my comfort zone, anytime I want to try something new or something that has the potential to be worthwhile, I limit myself in my mind, and say fola, just stick to what you know, you cannot handle it, and just like that because of my thought, I lose a great opportunity, I can’t even begin to think the number of opportunities I have lost because of this. The first step in overcoming one’s fear is to acknowledge it, and go about looking for solutions.

2.     Know the cause of your fear: Fear, doesn’t just come up in a day, it is usually triggered by something, It might be a past experience, I know some people that have given up on relationships, just because their ex cheated on them, and they have not gotten past that, this is always funny to me because, I know for a fact that because your ex cheated on you, doesn’t mean the next person you date will do the same, or the fact that you failed one exam, doesn’t mean that you will fail the next exam you write. When faced with a challenge that requires you to step out of your comfort zone, you should welcome it, carry out your research so that you will be capable of rising above any challenge.

3.     Ascertain your Fear: The truth is usually our fears are not at all based on reality, it is based on what we think would happen in the future if, we try something. When faced with fear, we should always be rational and gather as much information about it, as we can, think about situations where we were able to conquer the fear of the unknown, and the benefit we were able to attain just because we did that.

4.     Failure is not the End: The main reason why we remain in our comfort zone is because we are scared of failure, We don’t attempt to learn that new course, learn that new skill, because of this. It should be known that great people like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein at one point or the other failed, but they never let it stop them, they were able to move past their failure and keep trying, until they got it right, and up to today, their names are still relevant, Failure is never the end, and It should never stop us from achieving our goals.

In Conclusion, we should know that everybody at one point in his life has felt afraid when faced with uncertainty, nevertheless, it is what we do when faced with fear, that determines the outcome, Don’t let fear cause you to be stagnant in life, rise above it and live a life that at the end of the day will bring you fulfillment.

FEAR: A LIMITING FACTOR

What is fear? Fear can be defined as an unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger. This fear can be either imagined or real.
Fear is a factor we all have to overcome sooner rather than later, It controls us even without us realizing, the main reason why people stay in toxic relationships, isn't because of love as they might claim, it is because they have made the saying "the devil you know, is better than the angel you don't know", their watch word. We have relationships where the partner treats them like they are less than humans, with the constant derogatory words, we have men that have turned their partners into their punching bags, and the women keep on enduring it, simply because the "unsafe" has become "safe", in their mind, people believe that the known will always be better than the unknown, that's why they keep finding silly reasons to keep holding on, most times there is always this nagging fear at the back of their mind, What if I never find love again, What if I remain single forever, these are the recurring thoughts that flashes through the mind.

Fear certainly is not limited to just the relationship aspect, it can extend to our career, I will tell you a short story about myself, so you can have an idea of what I mean, when I served in Kwara state in 2017/2018, I always wanted to learn interior decorating, but because of the fear of failure, I kept on making excuses, till I finished, can you imagine how I lost a very great opportunity like that because of fear, I am sure other people will be in my shoes, maybe you are at a particular stage at your work place, you don't really like it, but because it is still in your comfort zone, you don't strive to be more, we ignore that drive in us, because we are so terrified of failing, that we don't even attempt anything in the first place.

This is not just limited to a white-collar job, a lot of people have business ideas, but because of the fact that they are scared of starting and failing, they allow the idea die down, just remember, we miss 100% of the shots we don't take, it is better to start something and fail, than not start at all.

On the next post, I will be writing  about what we can do in order to overcome fear.